Retina Leaking Again

Just a quick little background - I was diagnosed over 3 years ago with a cancerous tumor on my retina. They inserted a radiation plaque (like a disc) behind my eye in one surgery, left it there for 6 days, then removed it in a second surgery. That was supposed to kill off the tumor - and it did!!

I had my regular retina specialist check-up today. The good news is that the cancer is still gone, the tumor has vanished. The bad news is that because of radiation damage my retina is once again swollen and is leaking fluid (just like a year ago), and I've also got a radiation cataract which will have to be removed. My vision in that eye has deteriorated badly. I can now only read the 2nd line on the eye chart, and new glasses wouldn't help. They won't let me wear contact lenses either. I have to accept the fact that the vision in my treated eye is basically gone.

I had to have dye injected into my vein and over 100 photos taken of both eyes, of course many more of the radiation-damaged eye. Both eyes are still sore from all the poking and prodding, so many photos with the camera so close to my eyes, the bright flashes literally temporarily blinding me.

I'm waiting to hear back from the retina specialist once he views the pictures, on what the game plan will be this time. Last year they gave me a steroid injection into my eyeball, which hurt like sh** and didn't do anything to help. I refuse to do that again, although I'd definitely go for more laser surgery (I had two surgeries last year) to try and close off the leaks. I've gotta tell you though, I'm getting so dang sick and tired of dealing with this eye of mine, my lack of vision, the discomfort of feeling like there are 100 hairs in there that I can never get out (foreign body sensation), that it's tempting to just let them do an enucleation and get rid of the thing. It's almost useless now anyway.

I thank God every day that my other eye remains in perfect condition and with perfect vision. At least I can see Braeden with that eye. With my bad eye I can't even see his face anymore. It's just a blur. I've become paranoid about my good eye. If something happened to that one, I'd be legally blind and would never be able to see my son again. I have to think positively that my good eye will remain that way.

Thanks for letting me vent a bit here - this is definitely not fun stuff